How Dare Toyota?

What right does Toyota think it has to be this cool? How dare those Camry-making, appliance manufacturers make a car whose appeals are laser-focused on my desires?

The Yaris GR Special-edition RZ is the kind of foolish, over-the-top car that we all want our team to make, but that somehow TOYOTA made?!?!?!? Rude.

It’s got a 1.6-liter, three-cylinder engine that makes 269 hp and 272 lb-ft of torque? Obscene.

It’s a supermini with AWD, a mechanical Torsen limited-slip diff at each axle and a multi-plate-clutch diff in the middle? UGGGGGGH.

It only weighs 2,800 lbs? Disgusting.

Toyota produced special bucks so that it could take this two-door body racing instead of a four-door body racing? OMG STOP.

It’s got a six-speed manual transmission? You guys!

It was put together by a racing team and then evaluated by non-professionals to make sure that even asses like me could drive it properly? Actually, I ain’t even mad, that’s just smart.

Lists of features that good are normally reserved for the Oscars, not Toyotas. I’m going to buy one now so that it’s ready for me when it’s ready to import in 25 years.