Watch: The Phaeton’s Numerous Quirks Thoroughly Detailed

You don’t have to be an accountant to see that buying a Phaeton would be a colossally stupid decision. It’s a big, expensive to fix, unreliable, Passat clone with luxuries that are more than a decade out of date. But I defy you to watch this video and look at the prices for one, and not feel the tug of temptation pulling at your heart.

Sure, there are a lot of things that don’t make sense about this car like its original price tag or its place within the VW empire, or the way DeMuro says Fayitin (and boy does he say it a lot), but it has 12 cylinders—a number that only the finest cars are allowed to have—and massaging rear seats, something that the A8 is only catching up with today.

Sure, light-up buttons that show you how much air your vents are allowing through aren’t necessary, but necessity is the opposite of luxury.

And yes, the VW logo isn’t exactly synonymous with luxury—nor should it be—but if a childhood spent reading Chomsky and watching Britney Spears’ Lucky music video on repeat has taught me anything, it’s that conspicuous consumption does not a happy camper make. So do yourself some inconspicuous consumption instead.