The infotainment is awful in our 2017. I'm surprised that the 2020 was as bad as you say though, there was supposedly a big update to the infotainment in 2019. However, in our 2017, it not only looks bad, but randomly disconnects Bluetooth and doesn't have CarPlay. Pandora is ****ing frustrating because if you plug in your iPhone to the USB port and try to use Pandora, it locks the iPhone screen and makes you use the super slow onscreen menu to navigate stations and whatnot. Very annoying. I've looked at trying to upgrade it somehow, but the aftermarket stuff looks even more clunky and buggy. We honestly don't mess with the radio much anyways so I just leave it alone and drive. The active cruise is also mediocre, but compared to other 2014 era offerings, I don't think its that bad.
As far as the drive is concerned, I think its a matter of expectations vs reality. Its not a sports sedan, and its not even an X5 competitor. I think if you go in expecting a BMW, you're going to be disappointed. However, compared to the Highlander, which was the MDX's main competitor in my purchasing decision, the MDX had steering feel which was something I wasn't really expecting, coming from our Rogue. The other thing I liked about the MDX, and I'm not sure if this is SH-AWD work, or just the tuning of the suspension, but it had that RWD-type feeling that I've gotten in BMWs (and oddly, Mazdas) where you can toss the car into the turn and once you get on the throttle it squats on the outside rear wheel and powers out of the turn. We have the normal passive dampers on ours and it rides really really well also, better than the used Highlander we looked at.
Also, tires have made a huge difference. These CrossClimates2's drive SO MUCH BETTER than the Ironmans that came on our particular car. I had driven a couple MDX's beforehand, so I knew that they drove pretty well on real rubber, but I think if I had driven our car first I probably would've stopped shopping for MDX's right there. The Ironmans had this annoying second bounce thing going on that made the car feel like the dampers were going out. Those *ing Ironmans lasted 50k miles though, so I dealt with it for a full 50k miles of bouncy *. I'm a little sad I have the factory 18s, I'm curious what the MDX would drive like on actual UHPAS tires like a AS4 or Conti DW06. They'd probably just make me even more disappointed with the brakes though, so maybe its good that I'm stuck with touring tires.
Another thing to note--ours had worn out control arm bushings at 3 years and 55k miles. We had them replaced under CPO, but I wonder if the one you drove had worn out control arm bushings that made it feel floppy.
