[Papa Dras]

I do this every year, but having a difficult time as my youngest moves into kindergarten and I reflect on how much my girls have grown and changed in the last year. Now with school approaching, I am doing my normal reminiscing about them being younger and all the growing up that has occurred.

I know my girls have made me soft, but I can't be the only one, can I?

 

[magmacarat]

My wife and I got married about 4 yrs ago, she knew I didn't "like" kids but I never said I wouldn't want to have in the future. As of today, our boy is about to turn 5 months, man that kid has changed me so much. Five o'clock come and Im rushing out of work to be home, I look at his pictures and definitely see how fast he grows. However, I have to say that I am enjoying every single day and stage because like you say, they grow fast. Im with you, kind of makes you sad how fast they grow.

 

[A1an]

Last night we were getting ready for bath time for our five year old daughter like usual. She comes up to me before we start walking to the bathroom and says "I want to wash my own hair. That's called being independent."

I am proud to see the progression since she has always been a bit of an overly dependent child (always asking us to help on tasks she is capable of doing herself), but of course part of me feels sad/weird to see my baby growing up in what feels like the blink of an eye. Seems like I was just changing her diapers yesterday.

 

[Papa Dras]

Wait until you are walking them into school and hear for the first time, "I got it, dad. You can stay here."

 

[damion16v]

Wait until you are walking them into school and hear for the first time, "I got it, dad. You can stay here."

I continue to dread this happening.

I missed out on most of the first 18 months due to work, and when I would come home I could see her have physically grown since I last saw her. That was soul crushing, but I've been trying to squeeze in as much QT as possible. Especially now, she's over 2 yrs old and her mind is blooming, and she doesn't seem to need us as much. It's little but she now refuses my hand to go up or down stairs or to carry her back to bed.

 

[dunhamjr]

not really no. knowing myself, i just dont foresee it either.
the things like 'i got it dad', i think will make me more proud, then sad... since i got them to that point of independence.

the thing i think about more and get sad-ish about, more pertain to waiting so long to have kids.

we didnt really start till 36... so now at almost 41 i have a 2 and 4 yo.
so i will be nearly retired as they come out of high school. i will be 57 when my youngest turns 18.:banghead:

also, grandparents are getting old at this point... the 3 left are all in the mid-upper 60's. so they wont see as much of the kids life overall.
being 36+ years older then my kids means that i too will be old-ass when/if they start to have families as well.

being in the situation i purposely planned myself into, i can definitely see that if i were to do it again i wouldnt have waited nearly as long.

i am not saying i would flip it and have tried to have kids at 18... but starting even 5 years sooner would have changed the family dynamics a lot, since my 'life' would have already been just as set as it was when we actually started.

5yrs sooner i was with my wife already, and we were both settled into the same jobs and house as we are still today.
more grandparents alive, and around longer.
my kids closer in age to my friends kids.
my kids closer in age to their cousins.
wife/i as parents younger, likely more energy, when it comes to their jr/sr high school and early adult years.

 

[Papa Dras]

Interesting take because I see it the opposite and find that most everyone we know, even the kids in my daughters 2nd grade class last year all had parents in their late 30's to mid 40s. Meaning everyone had kids in their early to mid 30s. So it is very common to wait now and quite odd to see anyone in their early-mid 20s having kids. I know few people in their 40s and 50s that aren't as active or more than in their earlier years, so it isn't a factor.

Personally, I traveled a ton and when I met my wife, we basically lived high on the horse until we were about 34ish and decided to pull it back and have kids. I would never change that because we did everything when we were young and now have so much life experience to pass on and never wonder "what if". Plus, we know we would never have been ready until at least 30 to not think about ourselves first.

 

[dunhamjr]

oh i def agree that people in general are having kids later. and i know that people are living longer.

and i am not saying that most people around me had kids in their early 20's.
the majority did so in their late 20's to very early 30's.
that is the gap that i wish i thought about a little more...

i just think if i would have really thought about the timing that everything would have been 'better' for me if we had kids 5 years sooner.
so i would be turning approx 41 with a 7 and 9 yo, and 50 at end high school, instead of 58.

its when i look at the generation gaps that i think of it the most.
my mom had me at 28 (but i was the last and have siblings 10-12 yrs older).
i had my first at ~36. if my oldest kid waits till 30, then i will be nearly 70 when my first grandkid is born. that is older than i would have liked.

now that i know better... for me, the ideal would fall somewhere around 24-32yo.
that way i have a kid at say 25. my kid has his at 25... that makes me 50. then a grandkid could have theirs at 25... and i would be 75. much better chance to see my kids grow, their kids grow, and maybe even see some great grandkids.

^^ that is basically what my grandparents had, but my mom/in-laws are not likely to see... and i am even less likely unless my kids AND their kids, buck the trend we have set and have kids at 18. even then, that puts me at best case 74 for a great grand kid.

the downsides to that i think is that older generations have a lot to share in experience and wisdom, which if they are dead... is just gone.

long term thinking i know. and many people dont care.

but its just something i think about now that the older generations of my family are passing/passed away.
the cohesion of the immediately family is a less because of the age gap, and WAY WAY less with the extended family now that various grandparents, aunts, and uncles are gone.

 

[Papa Dras]

:thumbup: I get what you are saying.

 

[woofster]

I think saudade might be a possible term to express this happiness tinged with sadness that your kids are growing up and will never be of that age you remember them ever again.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade

Of all the personal, social and business successes I've had in my life, the most rewarding thing is truly just being a father to my 2 young kids.

 

[Papa Dras]

Nice, I have never heard of that before, but appears to be exactly it. I thought I just turned into a wuss when in reality I am just experiencing saudade.

 

[Tornado2dr]

but its just something i think about now that the older generations of my family are passing/passed away.
the cohesion of the immediately family is a less because of the age gap, and WAY WAY less with the extended family now that various grandparents, aunts, and uncles are gone.

I think it is pretty cool that my Grandmother got to meet my kids (the elder two knew her, kinda, before the demetia/alzheimer's took her mind away - and she was able to at least hold and enjoy my youngest for a short while).

Nice, I have never heard of that before, but appears to be exactly it. I thought I just turned into a wuss when in reality I am just experiencing saudade.

No, you're a wuss, just like the rest of us.


The dog dying this week had my wife and I looking at some old photos, back to when our eldest was brand-new, and then climbing/playing on the dog....we're going "wait, where did she go?" :thumbup:

 

[dunhamjr]

I think it is pretty cool that my Grandmother got to meet my kids (the elder two knew her, kinda, before the demetia/alzheimer's took her mind away - and she was able to at least hold and enjoy my youngest for a short while).

:thumbup:

yeah, not from my side... but I was really happy that my wifes grandma (so great gma) got to see and interact a little with both of our boys before she passed.
my kids do have two gma's and one gpa, so its good.

 

[tbvvw]

Wait until you are walking them into school and hear for the first time, "I got it, dad. You can stay here."

I've heard that many times in school, sports practice and games, dance class, and so on. I feel like I just became a dad yesterday...and last month my oldest (of 4) drove to a 5 day soccer camp 200 miles away by himself. "Dad, I'll text you if I need something, see you next week!" He's 17.

They are out of the house before you know it...

i will be 57 when my youngest turns 18.:banghead:

I'll be 59. And I hear ya about the grandparents or "how old will I be when they have kids stuff" etc. Can't worry about that - I just need to be in shape, happy, healthy, financially secure.

I have 4 under my roof right now and I have HS/college buddies my age that have 2-3 already out of grad school. It is what it is...and for me it's all good.

 

[Tornado2dr]

I've heard that many times in school, sports practice and games, dance class, and so on. I feel like I just became a dad yesterday...and last month my oldest (of 4) drove to a 5 day soccer camp 200 miles away by himself. "Dad, I'll text you if I need something, see you next week!" He's 17.

So, in reality I did some things like this myself when I was 16-17, no contact with parent, on "my own", no cellphone of course in 'those days', etc. However, right now I cannot fathom that I will be allowing my daughters to go off on their own in 10ish years (for the older one). I'm sure my feelings will change with time - but right now its "no. my little girl will never want to leave by herself and I will never let her".

 

[Papa Dras]

Right there with you and I know it's not reality, but I get to have the next however many years living in my world where they will always want to be around us.

 

[Tornado2dr]

Right there with you and I know it's not reality, but I get to have the next however many years living in my world where they will always want to be around us.

:thumbup::thumbup: Just have to stock the memory banks, I guess.

My son (2) is generally high energy, on the go all the time, and basically a tornado of mayhem and destruction. He is also very sweet for the moment. Yesterday when I got home he wanted to hold my hand and show me something. He noticed a bandaid on my finger and stopped everything. "boo boo, boo boo, boo boo" then he kissed my finger, said "better. now show"(to continue taking me to a truck or whatever) and i'm all "oook, that might not ever happen again, gotta store that one"

 

[tbvvw]

So, in reality I did some things like this myself when I was 16-17, no contact with parent, on "my own", no cellphone of course in 'those days', etc. However, right now I cannot fathom that I will be allowing my daughters to go off on their own in 10ish years (for the older one). I'm sure my feelings will change with time - but right now its "no. my little girl will never want to leave by herself and I will never let her".

Me too. I spent 10 weeks in Germany every other summer from age 12-18. Made my grandmother's house base camp and then rotated around my cousin's vacations schedules.
I didn't see/talk to my parents the entire 10 weeks, just postcards. My younger brother went opposite summers.

 

[PiSSAT4motion]

You guys are all so soft...

There's gotta be some difference when it comes to sons vs daughters. I feel little to no sadness at seeing my sons grow up. The oldest (14) is about as tall as I am. Doctors claim he could be 6'3" to my 5'11" ! Youngest son, 11, will be starting middle school. I love getting those 1st day at school pics.. lol

My daughter, on the other hand, is 4 and seems to be growing waay too fast. Hurt my feelings a little when she was going to go "potty" and as I follow her into the bathroom she says, "I need my privacy". I guess I should take some of the blame since she's heard me say that numerous times whenever she tries to follow Daddy in..
But to think, kindergarten will be here before I know it, and our little talks while she handles her business on the toilet will be a distant memory.

 

[tbvvw]

You guys are all so soft...

There's gotta be some difference when it comes to sons vs daughters. I feel little to no sadness at seeing my sons grow up. The oldest (14) is about as tall as I am. Doctors claim he could be 6'3" to my 5'11" ! Youngest son, 11, will be starting middle school. I love getting those 1st day at school pics.. lol

My daughter, on the other hand, is 4 and seems to be growing waay too fast. Hurt my feelings a little when she was going to go "potty" and as I follow her into the bathroom she says, "I need my privacy". I guess I should take some of the blame since she's heard me say that numerous times whenever she tries to follow Daddy in..
But to think, kindergarten will be here before I know it, and our little talks while she handles her business on the toilet will be a distant memory.

I have 3 daughters. Wait til your 4 yo gets to the ages of tampons, boyfriends calling, friends backstabbing, makeup, and emotional blowouts...