They say that at the height of her disconnected wealthiness, Marie-Antoinette used to play a milk-maid with gold milk buckets. Big mood. Or at least as far as the person selling this mansion near Washington DC is concerned.

I swear to god this house was designed by Stefan. This season’s hottest property Highland Farm Estate. This house has everything: a musket over the hearth, a room containing four washing machines and seemingly no dryers, eight bathrooms with monogrammed towels, and a full colonial garage. Oh, you don’t know what a colonial garage is? It’s that thing of when a basement is fully decorated with cobbled streets and 15 little storefronts to look like it’s a twee colonial village.

Weirdly, the ceiling is completely unfinished? I’m not sure a finished ceiling painted sky blue would have been good, but it’s hard to interact with the fantasy of this car hole when you can clearly see I-beams and wiring overhead. Or am I going to the wrong villages?

Most terrifyingly of all, there’s creepy mannequin on a scooter in front of a massage parlor.
Despite having… unique tastes in garaging, the owner has pretty cool taste in classic cars. An e-type and a 2CV are joined by an old sports car that I can’t quite make out (probably an MG T-type?).

I guess I can see that this would be sweet if it were designed for your kids or something, but it all smacks of pace where dolls and mannequins definitely come to life at night. Plus, selling at $4,500,000 I don’t feel particularly bad poking fun at whoever owns this house or whatever overpaid lobbyist buys it.