[ladykiller]

Going to try to keep this as short as I can.

She has been married for 8 years. Her husband works a lot. Some days 7a-7p, working at home during breakfast and dinner, and sometimes on the weekends. She said things are fine, just not as good as they were when they got married.

Her brother in law has a 5 year old kid but isn't married and has most of the custody. The baby's mom has gotten a little more mature since the kid. He has been seeing another woman, who is kinda bitchy/high maintenance. No one in the circle of friends or family really likes this other woman. The mom has a decent job, is younger and is better looking than this other woman. This other woman has a slightly better job, is older and has two kids of her own. If they had to choose one for him to be with, they would prefer the baby's mom.

My friend feels like there might be something between her and the brother in law, but doesn't know if she should act on it. They get along really well and the kid really likes her.

I've told her that this would probably completely mess up the relationship between the brothers and her in-laws (she gets along with them really well), and maybe relationships with friends everyone has. I get that you only have one life to live and you should be happy in it. I just don't know if it's worth risking, especially since she doesn't know how he feels. I can only go off what she says and I see. It does seem like they are stuck in a rut, doing the same thing week after week.

Not sure if it matters, everyone is between 30-45.

I know this might not be enough information to really make the best recommendation, but it's all I have.

So, what would you tell her?

 

[Fahrbomb]

So if I'm understanding this she is married and considering going after her brother in law who has not one, but two other women he could possibly be with??

If so I'd tell her she should work on her own marriage instead of possibly wrecking several relationships.....and if she did go after the brother, I would call her a trashbag.

 

[ladykiller]

So if I'm understanding this she is married and considering going after her brother in law who has not one, but two other women he could possibly be with??.

That is the even shorter version.

 

[Hostile]

So this friend of yours wants to wreck her own marriage to hook up with her husband's brother? Do I have that right?

 

[ladykiller]

So this friend of yours wants to wreck her own marriage to hook up with her husband's brother? Do I have that right?

Yes. Wreck might be a strong word, since she doesn't seem very happy as it is.

It seems like every Monday this happens (ie pasta for dinner), every Tuesday that happens (ie he comes home late and leftover past for dinner), and so on even through the weekend. Saturdays are the same errands. Sundays are the same chores.

 

[XClayX]

Yes. Wreck might be a strong word, since she doesn't seem very happy as it is.

It seems like every Monday this happens (ie pasta for dinner), every Tuesday that happens (ie he comes home late and leftover past for dinner), and so on even through the weekend. Saturdays are the same errands. Sundays are the same chores.

So whats the goal here? Romp around for a while then go back to being unhappy? Why not just cut ties and go on your own way? Or better yet. Sit down with your person and say hey. XYZ arn't working out we need to fix it.

Or if she's really that open to it. Why not an open marriage. Just be honest that she romp with someone new. If the relationship crumbles, it would crumble regardless. All that's happening with secretly doing it is the thrill and off set of dealing with the issue.

 

[Tornado2dr]

It does seem like they are stuck in a rut, doing the same thing week after week.

Not sure if it matters, everyone is between 30-45.

I know this might not be enough information to really make the best recommendation, but it's all I have.

So, what would you tell her?

Yes. Wreck might be a strong word, since she doesn't seem very happy as it is.

It seems like every Monday this happens (ie pasta for dinner), every Tuesday that happens (ie he comes home late and leftover past for dinner), and so on even through the weekend. Saturdays are the same errands. Sundays are the same chores.

I hate to break this to everyone, but life is just one big rut. Some things you just have to do unless you are 1:fabulously wealthy or 2:have absolutely no responsibilities. If you have to work to pay the bills, put food on the table, and keep your kids alive - certain things can be like a rut like eating leftovers, doing chores, or doing errands. You make the "rut" as enjoyable or miserable as you choose for it to be short of enslavement/abuse/actual mental or physical illness.

You can make the rut enjoyable by including things that make you happy or doing the "rut" with the people that make you happy, and sometimes ignore the schedule of life and do something silly like go out to eat with the kdis somewhere new, stay up late, or play a dumb game.
if the people around you don't make you happy - well, I guess that has to change, but the active choice to "make things better/more interesting" by stirring up a family/inlaw bucket of love life that obviously has its own set of issues is just a painfully stupid choice.

 

[RENOG]

Wow its amazing how dog-gone lazy people have gotten in committed relationships, less and less people want to work anymore. How about some good old fashion sincere communication. If creeping out on her husband is her only answer to her issue then she's just a plan-ole idiot, plan and simple, the results of that action will prove it immediately.

 

[Hostile]

Yes. Wreck might be a strong word, since she doesn't seem very happy as it is.

It seems like every Monday this happens (ie pasta for dinner), every Tuesday that happens (ie he comes home late and leftover past for dinner), and so on even through the weekend. Saturdays are the same errands. Sundays are the same chores.

So they're married...

 

[A1an]

I hate to break this to everyone, but life is just one big rut. Some things you just have to do unless you are 1:fabulously wealthy or 2:have absolutely no responsibilities. If you have to work to pay the bills, put food on the table, and keep your kids alive - certain things can be like a rut like eating leftovers, doing chores, or doing errands. You make the "rut" as enjoyable or miserable as you choose for it to be short of enslavement/abuse/actual mental or physical illness.

You can make the rut enjoyable by including things that make you happy or doing the "rut" with the people that make you happy, and sometimes ignore the schedule of life and do something silly like go out to eat with the kdis somewhere new, stay up late, or play a dumb game.
if the people around you don't make you happy - well, I guess that has to change, but the active choice to "make things better/more interesting" by stirring up a family/inlaw bucket of love life that obviously has its own set of issues is just a painfully stupid choice.

+1

Embrace the rut and all things "adulting" (as the kids say these days). Yeah life is one big boring routine for the most part, but that doesn't mean one has to concentrate on that aspect of life. I can look at my typical day and pick apart so much time wasted doing nothing rather than doing something new/interesting to shake things up out of the routine. I bet the majority of folks out there can do the same.