"It's not who won the drag race or the 0-60, it's who dies with the most wrinkles from smiling and I'm gonna be a wrinkly old mother****er."

That's Jason Cammisa's general theory relative performance and it's his conclusion in this video from The Smoking Tire. Better yet, though, it's an apt description of his Cabriolet, which is the featured car in the video.

Described as a drunk Bruce Lee who punches guys at the bar for fun, Cammisa bought the car because he wanted a small, four-seat convertible to drive around San Francisco.

After it came into his ownership, it was stock for 11 miles. After mixing and matching VW four-cylinder parts (he goes over the exact alchemy early in the video), he figures the car makes between 165 and 170 hp.

He then says he effectively put a 16 valve Scirocco under it with disc brakes all around, power steering and more. That makes sense because Cammisa says he basically wanted a Scirocco (one of which he owns) that he could drive without fear.

On the skid pad, the Cabbie pulls 0.96 Gs and could conceivably do more with stickier tires, but he says that it then goes up on two wheels in fast corners. That takes away some of the confidence that makes it such a riot.

And that's what this car is all about. Cammisa has deliberately tried to avoid going overboard. Sure, it's got a whole lot more power than a stock Cabriolet, but it still has a small four-cylinder engine, it still has a soft suspension, and it's entirely made up of factory VW parts.

It all makes for a car that we would be happy to give our cheek muscles a work out with.